something happens

well.... for those that read this blog, and i'm sure there arnt that many of u, i'm pretty sure it must get pretty boring. Most of it has been me whining and whinging about my life and wondering where I went wrong. Not that I wasnt grateful for my blessings but sometimes, in the darkness, i lost sight of them for a while at a time.

A huge part of the whinging was about my many and varied health problems and why oh why was I so plagued?! I seemed to get ill all the time and rarely had a full week where I was feeling fit and healthy. Well - all reasons have been revealed. I discussed these in a previous post.

Well now my treatment for my hypothyroidism has started and I have been taking it for about a month now. Its been rocky, if i'm totally honest. Most days I dont know whether I am coming or going; my metabolism is weird, my sleep patterns are affected, blah blah blah BUT I have not had an infection in this month!!! thats a first in about a year!!! Alhamdilillah!
Eventually all this will calm down and my system will reset and I will become somewhat normal :-)

Also about 5 days ago I had that knee op I needed. It wasnt a major operation- just key hole surgery but to my mind, if it requires general anaesthesia then its MAJOR! lol The idea of the op didnt freak me out as much as the anaesthesia did. The idea of being unconscious and unable to control what was gonna happen - scary!
But Alhamdulillah it all went well and I am now on the road to recovery. And though it may be long it is going well and I dont seem to have developed any complications :-)

Soo - all in all it all seems to be going rather well (thank God) and life seems to be progressing. In the spirit of this positivity I got my sister to take me for a walk in my wheelchair on Sunday to walk a friend home. She doesnt live too far but what an experience!!

Firstly, I felt like people had never seen a hijabi in a wheelchair before!! I got stared at so much!! It was weird!! So, cos I am crazy, I just started waving at people who stared!! lol serves them right! :-P it was hilarious but my sister made me stop!

But one thing this experience has made me notice up close and personal is how inconvenient the world is if you have a disability and how hard life must be. For example the pavements are NOT wheelchair friendly. They have bumps, cracks, dips, holes.... its not comfortable, it isnt even safe. Plently of times the wheelchair almost tipped over. Not to mention that half the time you cant off the pavement to cross a road and if you manage that then u cant get back up onto the pavement!! How do they expect people with disabilities to live full and active lives if they cant even go for a short walk safely???

This is so totally unacceptable and I am gonna write to my MP about this and I suggest if ur reading this, u do too. I'm lucky, i'll walk again in a matter of weeks or months but what if I cudnt?? I'm an active social person, I love to go out. If i was stuck in a wheelchair or on crutches or had any kind of disability this life that I love wud seriously be curtailed.

Its something to think about.... how much we take for granted.

one of my faves

William Shakespeare

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments, love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.

O no, it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come,
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom:

If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Sonnet #116.

chillin with the willin

I write this as I sit here listening to Red Hot Chilli Peppers & Linkin Park at the same time as my cousin is playing on his guitar.... its nice just to sit here. I have been sat here for a few hours tonight just listening to the music, even before he came home.

I'v been thinking about life, love and everything as they say - just contemplating on where I am coming from and where I wanna go and life-altering thoughts like that. Tho i shud make clear that I have not reached any conclusions rather I just liked thinking on these issues. I needed to clear some head space and lets be honest I am not a very introspective person.

SO with some good rock in the back ground I just chilled out, lay back and relaxed and let the thoughts run thru my head. As I did this I realised I have not done this for some time, in fact a really really long time.

Somewhere in there, the voices, memories and talking in my head i found some kind of peace with who I am. Mayb I dont need t0 change who I am to please everybody; mayb they shud stop asking me to change and kiss my ass! Most these ppl havnt even made a decent effort to get to know ME - so why shud I care enough to change for them?

I am a pretty fun person and I have a laugh and generally those with me do too - so thats good, positive even. People like me - i figure if i was all that bad they wudnt! :-)

SO - I am gonna try loving me more and finding out who I am not what people want me to be. And if who I am doesnt fit into their preconcieved boxes then all the better!!