Subhanallah... if you follow the islamic calender then its been 10 years since my mum passed away.
Ten years
I can hardly believe it. Every year when I get to this point I wonder the same thing - where has the time gone?
I wonder if its strange that I don't miss her every second of every day like the movies say u shud miss a person you love?
I wonder what my mother would be like if she was still alive? What our relationship would be like, what would it have developed into in these years... I wonder about so many things in these days.
I wonder if this feeling inside is one of pain or one of missing her or is it something else...?
I feel bad that I dont think of her more, like when I make decisions or am faced with choices. To be brutaly honest, I dont think of her, my mum, much at all. What would be the point?
Does that sound harsh or unfeeling?
I think life is to be lived and those who have passed have had their test; it is we who are living who have things to worry about. MY mother was an amazing person while she lived and will always be my inspiration but what would be the point of constantly questioning why she is dead or why i dont have a mum etc etc?
Enough to say that I have not had a mother since i was 16 years old - I have no idea what it feels like to have a mum anymore. That is not a relationship I am familiar with.
I just hope and pray that I can be as amazing and as loved a person as she was and I pray that I can be as good a Muslim as she was Insha'allah.
May Allah have Mercy on her and forgive her sins, may He save her from the punishment of the hellfire and the punishment of the grave and give her a place in Jannatal Firdous. Ameen.
"When Allah decreed the Creation He pledged Himself by writing in His book which is laid down with Him: My Mercy prevails over My Wrath" Hadith (Muslim; al-Bukhari)
2 comments:
ameen sis your absolutely right and inshaAllah I dont think your wrong not to think of her all the time you have rightly said that they've had thier test and similarly we are living ours and we will join them though i do advice that everyday you should make du'a for her espcially the Qur'an one for parents
my cousin who was in her 20's passed away last week and for a couple of days the news didn't sink properly and everytime i remembered it was like my heart stopped a beat but now just a week later my hearts learnt to accept it and thats a surivival mechanism i believe Allah has blessed us with
i hope that all our dead are in spacious graves with a part of jannah and inshaAllah we pass our test and are reunited with them in jannatul firdaws May this Ramadhan not pass except that Allah has forgiven us all and saved our necks from the fire ameen
Ameen.
Subhanallah, I am constantly amazed at how adaptable Allah has made us - He gives us these tests but He has, in His Eternal Mercy, given us the tools to do deal with it.
Its sounds morbid but its such a blessing!
I'm sorry to hear about ur cousin - may Allah bless her and grant her Mercy.
What I found strange was that it didnt take me (or even my sister i think) more than a few hours to get used to our altered reality once my mum died- it was as if Allah didnt give us the opportunity to be caught in it all and instead whisked us straight on to experience more of life.
Alhamdulillah.
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