its been a long time comin....

Acha... so its been an absolute age since I last blogged and there is a really good reason for that.

Tonns of stuff (yes stuff) has been happening and mayb its about time i put my thoughts to paper (metaphorically of course).

So.... here goes.

When I moved to Manchester I had planned to live with my nani (grandmother).... unfortunately, due to them not being upfront and totally honest with me that did not work out. Creating a whole world of trouble for me, which was apparently my fault. Of course. As usual I was castigated as the one in the wrong, creating problems, not being honest and all that.......

So i moved out. That took about 24 hours of me being in the same house as my family.

Alhamdulillah a wonderfully good friend of mine took me, as did her family. Thgey looked after me, gave me a space in their home, cared for me. It gave an opportunity to see how a real family worked - as opposed to the mockery of a family I have.
The jokes and the arguments between siblings and parents. The genuine caring, the ability to make time and spend it as a family, the depth of feeling, the laughter, the fun, the tears; the working together towards a common goal.

But no matter how much they shared with me the awareness was constantly there that this was not my home, that this was not my family, and that I was living on borrowed time. I needed a place of my own.

I had no money, no resources, no one to help. (No this is not self-pity!)

I tried finding jobs. No luck. Applied for help with housing, I got shoved from pillar to post - as if no one wanted to help.

Finally, I got a job. Not the best job in the world but one I could feel maybe comfortable with. A job meant soon there would be money (!).

I finally realised drastic measures were required - I needed a home. And to get one I had to do something, no one was going to do it for me.

SOoooo.... I went to the local Housing Advice Office and registered as homeless. I turned up with my bags, my stuff, and declared I had nowhere to go.

Now my family does not know I have done this. Why have I not told them??? What wud be the point? Can they help? No. My khala/aunt will panic. Dad will probably feel guilty and thefore peed off, my granmother and the rest........ I have not idea wat they will do.

Frankly, I dont care.

I have come to realise that in this world there is you and only you. And the power of your duaas. Thats it.

I never ever thought my life would take me down this route, thats not to say I am depressed or pity myself, rather a "who wud have thought?!". Of course, i'd rather have my life all hunky-dorey; with everything going exactly how I'd like it..... thats if I even knew what that was!



When I was younger I used to think I'd grow up, get my degree, then immediatly after get married, get a job and have a bunch of kids. No thoughts as to how or why this would happen.... just an expectation that thats what happened in a girls life.

A little girls dream.... never meant to come true. There is a whole world out there full of new beginnings and ends....... and no matter what route life takes you down you gain experience and opportunities, you love, you hate, you make mistakes, you progress.

C'est la vie.