crapness

This is gonnabe a stupid blog because basically all I have to say is I am feeling like shit, and I am stressed and I can see everything starting to unravel right in front of me and I dont know wat to do about it.

The last couple of weeks have been great - they have been fun, and a lot less stressful than my life usually is. The darkness receeded for a while and I was happy. Happier than I have been in a long time. I have done so much in the last couple of weeks, been so much more relaxed than I have been for ages, I have been to a Man Utd match at Old Trafford (thanks K!), I have seen old friends and begun flat hunting (finally) with my dad.

But now it all feels horrible and I feel so trapped by fate. It just seems so sad that just wen everything was starting to go well I can see the possibility of everything unravelling. Dammit!

It makes me wanna scream and rage and hurt someone at the hopelessness of it all. Do I sound melodramatic? Well I dont give a fuck! (Does this constitute as me talking to myself??) I hate feeling so low and so very hopeless and despairing but that is how I feel. I cannot help it.

I have taken A LOT of time off from my job in the last few months due to a leg injury that isnt healing and can be not only terribly inconvenient but very painful as well. We are gonna get reviewed at work and I dread hearing what I may get told. Its not even so much fear of losing my job or getting into a lot of trouble at work (though the fear is there) - its more about disappointing people at work that I have come to admire, making their life difficult and I just dont want there to be any awkwardness in our relationships.

Oh God, help!