In a few months it'll be TEN years since she passed away. Ten years. How incredibly fast time passes; the I was only 16 and a confused 16 year old at that! How full of possibilities and opportunities life seemed and how very dramatic!! Life always was and still is dramatic for me - nothing even happens a little bit; its the whole hog or nothing!
I still wonder sometimes how different my life would be, how different I would be if my mum was still alive. Its weird that I dont regret her death - I dont even feel that sad. Some things just are.
As for me right now - once again I am at a cross roads where many decisions need to be made - these will affect my future and they need to be the right choices. And thats where it all becomes unbearably complicated!! what to do, when and how!!???!!! how does one make these choices?!
This is when I wish I had just one person I could tell it all to, just one who would listen with every ounce of being, who would talk me through all my problems and help me find a solution to them. Someone i could brainstorm with and have discussions, debates and arguments with. That would make this all easier! :-)
Meanwhile I am on crutches and in a wheelchair, unable to go very far and not allowed to move very much. The operation on my knee went well and I have 2 very neat little scars on my left knee to prove it!! BUT now I have a fractured knee and am not allowed to walk.
The frustration at my inability to do anything myself is kicking in (or rather has already!) and I am fast running out of things to do - there are only so many movies I want to watch. I'm running out of books and thats truly sad! I miss my books which are still in storage!!
I just wish that the answers to the question of "what should I do in this life?" was clear cut and easy to understand, follow and carry out.
1 comment:
it's probably going to sound patronizing but the best solution to All our problems really is reading Qur'an and maintaining regularity with making du'a - just doing ma'thurat in the morning will make u have a productive start to the day inshaAllah :) and stop watching movies and read!! there's a really good very thin book/booklet called 'Living & Dying for the Sake of Allah' - dunno if u've read it, it's Khurram Murad's final will&testament, and it has amazing uplifting advice... cheer up dude!
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