It was such a fun weekend -thanks to SM! But now she has gone, and has left me, has abandoned me - and I am alone once more.... (sympathy please!).
OK.... guess what?! I'm depressed AGAIN! This is what London is good for! I think I've been depressed or sad or just plain non-happy since I've been here.
Wallahi, I just dont know what to do. I really dont.
Now I'm here, and everyday I am more and more confused about what I want out of my life. My aims are so out of focus. So obscure - I cannot see where I want to go. And I hate that. I used to have a focus... I knew where I was headed (kind-of)... and now I just dont! What is my purpose? I used to think that I knew but now.... I'm just not sure. Where am I headed? Where do I want to go?! Hell, I dont know!
And I'm depressed because someone I know who recently got married is pregnant - Oh, I'm not depressed that she is pregnant, I am happy for her ( I AM!) but how come everyone else's life is moving on, and I'm stuck in rut of shittiness?!
UGH!
I just.... want to know...I want to know what will be good for me, what job I should take, I just want a path to follow. If Allah will only show me the way (Insha'allah He will.)
I have a job interview on Tuesday and I want the job - because I desperately need the money. But, is this what I want to do for the rest of my life???(Pls make dua!)
I moved to London, primarily cause my dad told me to. I didnt want to. But while I'v been here I can honestly say I have tried to make a go of it, but I am failing so badly. AM I failing myself or is London failing me?! Should I move back to Manchester? Will I do any better there?!
I sit here, eating popcorn, watching TV and writing this and wonder - what the hell am I to do?!?
2 comments:
Come back to manchester women!!! getting you a job while you sort out what you want to do won't be an issue!! come back come back
Do not listen to NM. I want you to stay in London (or come back) but do it for the right reasons. A job will not give you purpose. Only Allah can do that. We need to have a chat hon. I can't wait to see you. Manchester has not been the same without you.
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