The Wheel of Time turns, and ages come and go...

I was just thinking what exactly to write in blog, there are many thoughts in my head, many that I want to express (whether or not anyone actually wants to read them or not is different!) - but what to say?What will explain what is in my (mangled) head?
Ever since I have started writing this blog, all I have done is complain and whinge about how rotten my life is, and how much I havn't got. So I am going to take a moment and say Alhamdulillah. Ya Allah thank you. Thank you for everything I have and for all the blessing that you have bestowed upon me. I have a loving father, a beauiful sister, caring and wonderful friends, I have my family, I have a place to live, I have so so much to be grateful and thankful. Little things that are so important, I have 2 eyes, I have all my limbs, I have the ability to think and reason (now, now, I do!).... alhamdulillah Allah has blessed me with all this and more. So much. And yet I sound ungrateful - I'm not.
I think alot of my frustration stems from the fact I feel that I could be so much more, could be doing so much more with my life - that seconds and minutes and hours and days are flashing by with nothing having been accomplished, with nothing changing. I sit here in my room in London and have no greater purpose. I do not know what I am to do next. What will be, should be, my next move? I want to move on with my life, I want to take the next step, yet I have no idea what those steps are... what should I head towards?Marriage?Another degree? Work? Career?

On Saturday I went to a march in London. People had gathered from all over England to protest against injustice, against hypocrisy and to say "Free Palestine". How good it felt to be among people who cared, who were not apathetic to whats happening in the world, who want to make a change, who will scarifice time and effort to ensure that change happens. People who wont stand by, but will do their best, their utmost to have a free and just system. I felt proud to be Bristish standing along side my brothers and sisters, and I felt ashamed of our leaders who let people die on huge, immeasurable scales, who allow injustice to be done openly, who allow this farce of democrasy to stand. It felt good to stand there for peace and for justice.
In Islam a believer is told to forbid evil. If you see an evil action being done then you are supposed to stop it with your hands, and if you cannot do that then with your words and if you cannot do even that then atleast know in your heart that it was wrong, and this is the weakest of faith. Now I was wondering, the march on Saturday - would it count as words or as taking action? Could I do more to prevent injustice?
All I know is no matter what happens, no matter what I go through - its is all a test from Allah. No matter how hard it gets, how tough life gets - a test always ends. And thats what you look forward to - the end. The end of the test and the reward.
I do not feel I am in the least bit morbid to say I look forward to death because then my test will be over but in that same way.... death is too close because I have not done enough to consolidate a place for myself in jannah. Because what would be the point of all this... life, if at the end of it I didnt get to heaven?
So there it is. My greater purpose. Why do I put up with all this - for the same reason everyone does. For the chance of something better. For some, that is making a million, for others a house a car... for me, its getting to paradise.
It hit me today, I'm falling way way behind in my tarbiyyah work, its been ages since I'v studied my islamic course, since Ive even made an attempt to work on my PDF. So step no1, start working on PDF.
Step no2: get job
Step3: get more involved in Islamic work (SM I need those numbers!)
Step4: get a lifetime goal (life plan)

And onwards....

Now just to finish off... i have to say to my manchester gang, I love u and thank you all for being such amazing sisters. A girl cudnt have a better family of friends. You are part of me. And I thank u for making that part so amazing. You help me become a better person, a better muslim. So may Allah reward you all (and me!) with blessing and success in this life and the next and a place in Jannathal Firdous. Ameen. MWAH!