What is the truth of my life??? What fact about me,about my life, stands out as a testimony to who and what I am? Who will remember me and miss me when I am gone, supposing I die now? Who will miss the fact I am not here anymore? Who will find it harder to live their life without me? Who will say "I wish Tahnia was here" or "Tahnia was a amazing muslim woman, look at what she did." What will my legacy to the world be? (I'm not thinking huge here - but like my mother, will I be remembered?)
I'm not being depressive here - just reflective.
Ok, in the spirit of refelctiveness... lets start at the beginning. What does it mean to be a Muslim? There are the basics ofcourse, the stuff I learnt at usrah and the Duaat programs... but to me, outside of all that, what does it mean?
To me its: "Truly, my prayer and my sacrifice and my life and my death, are (all) for Allah.The Cherisher of the Worlds." (6:162)
This is what being a Muslim means.
Except.... do I really practice this in my daily life? Unfortunately not. I feel I am a bad muslim. I could be soooooooooooooo much better, but I'm not. Not because I live in a country hostile to my religion (well, not that hostile), not because I'm not in a position to be better but because I am lazy.
Too lazy to change.
Too lazy to get up and learn more about Islam.
Too lazy to pray more.
Too lazy to read more Quran.
Too lazy to make more dua, for myself, more my friends and family, for my mother, for the ummah.
Knowing all of this, realising it.... it isnt enough. I've got to implement change.
I was reading SM's blog and what she said is so true. Time is a precious comodity - the most precious one that we have. Once lost, it can never be regained.
I've wasted so much of it. May Allah forgive me!
OK - I want everyone to please, please, please make dua for me - that I become a better muslim. A properly practicing muslim. A strong muslim, strong in Iman.
What did my feet do today?What act of charity did they perform?What act of worship?Did I walk to prayers? Did my feet walk me to do wudu? Did I walk to someone with the intention of helping them out for the sake of Allah?
What about my ears? What did they do today for the pleasure of Allah?For charity?
And my eyes? My nose? My hands?
The Prophet (saw) said that every part of the body should perform an act of charity everyday. I think I've been extremely stingy lately - and thats got to change.
I look like a muslim on the outside. I dress the part, with my clothes and my hijab. I'm scared that makes me a hypocrite....because I'm thinking and acting less and less like one. May Allah forgive me.
Get back on track Tahnia or I'm gonna have to whup ur butt!
3 comments:
salam sweety? most likely your feeling like this because your usrah, scouts, women's project have all been disrupted and you can't SEE the things that you do for Allah's sake but inshallah london will prove to a place in which you excel in iman, your always in my dua
p.s am having a bit of an emotional moment, so just wanted to tell you that i love you and miss your weird ways, i loved that fact that you where there for me when we were in final yr and put up with all my antics the most memoriable probably being our ever ending CHOCOLATE breaks.. good times..good time.
so on the list of who would say " i miss t " you can certainly put me on top of that list, So there lamees
Awwww bless u, NM! I love u too, lots and lots and lots! And miss u madly. Come and stay with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did amina tell you we have a meeting on the 10 of june in london ( which part no sure) but anyway how hard can it be to find you. will have a good old somali affair. Evertheidealist, you the honourary Duali and moi inshallah
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