Rage

Rage - what is it? What defines it?

Rage is in my life. Sometimes, like now, it flows like a river in my mind. Permeating it with bitterness, irritation, fury - a boiling, seething rampage of violence within the confines of my mind.

"Strange is it not, that of the myriiads who,
before us passed the door of darkness too
Not one returns to tell us of the road,
which to discover. we must travel too."

Omar Khayam (from the Rubayait)

It is hard to describe the darkness of feeling to someone not acquainted with it. It is not a nice, tame emotion. It's uncontrollable, storming, raging, tearing, yelling, screaming; its a hate of myself. A hate of what I am and where I am. It is a disappointment in life and dreams.

It takes over. It absorbs into every part of your subconscious. It creates violence in my mind.

Not just because of the sheer violence of the feelings but as in violent thoughts.

Its a "flame of the heart". A desire to strike out, to hurt those who have caused you harm.... to avenge, to revenge...
A hammer to the face, a screwdriver to the eyes, a nail in your hands.... violence spews forth.
It brews in my minds eye as cloudy, distilled thoughts.

It would be so satisfying.

I cannot stop this emotion. It is out of my control. It is has infected my soul - it is part of me. A product of my life's experiences. It has burnt away my innocence and my tranquility. Of this fire I am born.

I turn to my Lord and I weep for what I have become. For what people have made me. For the choices that were made.
How long can I tolerate this emotion? How long before it all implodes?
Did I decide to let rage in? I look back over the course of my life and I hate what I see. Any goodness escapes me and what i see is dark. What I see is disturbed.

This is the part of me I dont want you to see, everyone who will be terrified and hate me. I am strongest in my most devastating hour:

Anger, Venom, Rage

D. A. Williams

There is a devil
Lurking down deep inside
Look close enough
You can see it in my eyes
Filled with pride and anger
Venom and rage
Feels like I'm living life
Trapped in a cage
With outsiders looking in
And pointing at me
Telling me what I'm to do
And who I'm to be
They never lived a life
As f***ked as mine
Never fed themselves
By committing a crime
Now I tighten up
Walk a straight and narrow
But it leaves me feeling
Like a wind blown sparrow
Pride is my best friend
And the anger is a gift
'Cause it keeps me company
And it gives me a lift
The venom is the weapon
That flows from within
And the rage is the words
That come from the pen.

I stand at the edge of this moment, I stand and I have to choose... I scream in my minds eye because the person I am is rage.