Anyways.... I have been up to nothing, except reading (lots) and thinking. Thinking about the future. About what I want to do in life. Its hard. Its hard to decide what would be best for me. Its hard to decide what it is I want - seeing as the chance of me knowing and finding it seems so slim.
I need to decide asap. Like... now.
I wonder - am I scared to make a decision now? Seeing as my last few decisions have turned out so great (thats sarcasm, yes) mayb I should be hesitant except I'm pretty sure thats not it. Well not wholly.
I think its partly actually committing to something. I want to be sure (tall order I know) that whatever decision I make is for the best.... that it works out as much as possible. Not just for me but for Lam and Dad too. Cos any decision I make affects them too....
Another lessons I can learn from him is to accept the tests Allah sends - I think that is partly whee I am struggling now. I am not accepting enough that these are tests. That I must submit to them and work a way through them, around them, over them... watever. He said "God gave me this illness to remind me I'm not number One; He is". If he can accept it - then I bloody well should be able to too!
But how much longer will I have to make before I know what I am to do?? Till I can sort out this mind of mine?!
Well... all you out there - make dua for me. Start NOW! lol
3 comments:
salam honey, glad you are enjoying the sun - i am caged at work and burning (you know that can't afford air con)! anyways i just wanted to let you know that no one realy KNOWS what to do - they just consider their options and then go for the best one (having done istikhara first). you just have to make a decision and trust that it is the best one for you and who says by the way that we are not allowed to change our mind and reconsider a few weeks, months and years down the line? just trust yourself and don't let what you consider to be a bad decision ruin your confidence. iam here for you contrary to what it may look like it(i know i am constantly working but i am cutting down even if it means less money now)so. gimme a buzz and you can bounce ideas off me anytime. ok dude? hope so. love you lots lady t xx
Salam T,
I write this as I know exactly what it’s like to wonder what you should do in life, not even necessarily what you would like to do in life.
These things are not fixed and it’s the fear of not taking risk that prevents us from exploring our options.
How are you supposed to know what you’re good at, if you have never experience what you’re bad at?
How would you know you liked chocolate had you never tasted it!
Try and try till you come across something within which you feel tranquil.
I think the problem here is that you’re expecting an answer and a path! You’re not going to get that! Unfortunately I know, you wonder and you wonder till you become so caught up in the wondering that your can't remember what it was that started the wondering!
Let GO T and just be!!! Do that which is in your capability and Allah will take care of the rest! Strive for something and see how it goes, just pick something and do it, even if its not the right thing for you, the learning will inshallah be priceless
Cu this weekend inshallah :)
Both of u give good advice - jazakallah. But its hard to let go and see where life takes me. I know what u r saying is right, I know it inside - but I seem to have lost that confidence in myself to actually take that next step without having a heart attack!
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