the end of a Bushism era

Well people.... wow - the days where Bush is no longer in-charge have finally come. Funnily enough I almost expected his leaving the White House to be accompanied by some last minute disaster like his declaring war on "spanishtan" or somehting equally violent and idiotic.

I have spent 8 years having contempt for this man and feeling sympathy for the American people for having to put up with him much more than the rest of us have had to. I feel the most for the soldiers of america who have had to put their lives on the line, many losing them, for the policies of this man. A man I would not leave in charge of a child never mind a country!

He is the one man we can say that has affected the new 21st Century the most - and unforunately he has NOT made the world a better place. By far the world is much worse off - this includes the US with its current economic crisis.

There are many comedians who have made a lot of money from Bushism - lets be honest, with this man the jokes practically wrote themselves!

So lets celebrate the end of his horribly long, bloody, violent, stupid era with some Bushism:

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' —Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

"We both use Colgate toothpaste." —after a reporter asked what he had in common with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Camp David, Md., Feb. 23, 2001

"I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003

"I'm the commander — see, I don't need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." —as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War

"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." —Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003

"Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." —discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson, as quoted by Robertson

"Haven't we already given money to rich people? Why are we going to do it again?" —to economic advisers discussing a second round of tax cuts, as quoted by former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neil, Washington, D.C., Nov. 26, 2002

"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." —Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002

"Do you have blacks, too?" —to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001

"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." —as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

"I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." —at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001

"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." —Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001

"See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction." —Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003

"I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." —Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004 (Watch video)

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." — September 2000, explaining his energy policies at an event in Michigan.

"Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?" — January 2000, during a campaign event in South Carolina.

— "They misunderestimated the compassion of our country. I think they misunderestimated the will and determination of the commander in chief, too." — Sept. 26, 2001, in Langley, Va. Bush was referring to the terrorists who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks.

— "There's no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will fail." — Oct. 4, 2001, in Washington. Bush was remarking on a back-to-work plan after the terrorist attacks.

— "It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber." — April 10, 2002, at the White House, as Bush urged Senate passage of a broad ban on cloning.

— "Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die." — Dec. 7, 2006, in a joint appearance with British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

— "These are big achievements for this country, and the people of Bulgaria ought to be proud of the achievements that they have achieved." — June 11, 2007, in Sofia, Bulgaria.

And there are many, many... oh God, MANY more - the man was a complete waste of space and look what he has done to the world.

But aside from the violent and bloody legancy he has left - we also have something else. We have Bushisms!! lol

This past week has been a strange one for me.... I dont quite know how to describe it. I do not know if I have the words.

I would really hate to describe it as my body giving into accumulated depression or something as pitiful as that - or so it seems to me.

I have not been well - with lots of dizziness and light-headedness not to mention nausea. Yet are these actual symptoms or symptoms of something else? something in my head maybe -i dont know...

I really feel like I want to take time off work for a few months and just do nothing - just think, do nothing, just.... be. I want to take time to just be with myself and explore myself and think about what I want to be and who I am.

I just dont know how to do that. How do I discover who I am and learn myself?? Is such exploration even possible??

These are just some of the long winded ramblings of my confused brain....

I dont even know what to say or even if I want to say anything.

My dad told me it was unhealthy how I was acting - but I really couldnt think. I felt, still feel, kinda blanked out and in some kind of stasis. Thought seems hard and planning anything at all seems out of reach. My mind wanders but I could not explain where or over what.

I do not even know what I am thinking. I spent the last week alone at home, not talking to anyone and not doing anything. I spent it lying in bed watching anime I had seen before and zoning out. I even spent time just lying there, doing nothing at all - just staring. I didnt have a thought in my head and even when I tried to think, to come up with something to think of, it just seems liked too much. Too much effort maybe.

I dont know what is. Maybe it is unhealthy. However I dont know how to "snap out of it" as dad says because I do not know how I snapped into it!

Why do I become like this?

I hate to think I am the kind of person who overly dwells in self-pity or self-loathing of any kind and I have always thought that most depressed people are just self-indulgent. Although I am fully aware this is a gross generalisation and true depression does exist. I just think that for me to be depressed is for me to be weak, a weak person and a weak Muslim. Despair is not an Islamic emotion and is definately not healthy.

It made me think of the reasons I could be depressed and when I started counting it off I realised it was many. but then again I felt I was indulging myself in pity and I should just get on with life. Mayb thats the problem - I just get on with life and never actually deal with the root of the problem. Maybe I should do something about that but what?

Like I said when I actually started thinking of the reasons I could have for depression I realised there were quite a few -about 12 or so major ones. I talked it over with a friend I trust - just to make sure I wasnt making a mountain out of a molehill. I wanted to talk to her because I knew she'd tell me I was talking horseshit if I really was - she has before! When listed my reasons make my life sound pretty tired and hard - "a hard life by anyones account" is how she put it.

Is it really? I compare my hardships to those of the people of Gaza or others who have suffered and my years of suffering become so trivial.

BUt they have taken their toll - they must have. I do not honestly think that someone can have been through what I have and have it not taking a toll. Something about me, who I integraly am must have been affected.

I find myself thinking what would be different if such and such an event had never taken place - how different would I be? Wat part of me is the consequence of what event??

I do not even know I am making sense but since this is my blog I am believe I hav the right to ramble in it!

A part of when it hears me talk or think about this stuff just wants to tell me to shut up and put up but another part wants me to somehow, God only knows how, to do something and deal with it somehow.

I just want to know what's wrong with me.

stupid opinions

Just have to rant about this!

I have been fairly obsessing over what is happening in Gaza - its just so awful and justice and peace seem to be so slow. I cant stop thinking about what the poor palestinians have been thru and to make it worse are now going thru!

To make it worse i was chatting to a colleague at work about going down to the national march in London tomorrow (which I hope will be successful and make our gvmt sit up and take notice of our voice & how very much we want this massacre to stop!) when anout colleague (code name P) started debating/discussiong the issue with me.

It totally amazes me how ignorant people can be sometime sand how they will follow and belieave the touted story of Hamas, Palestine and Israel hook line and sinker.

I was not exactly on the ball either as I had just had a really busy day and was totally wiped out. So when he started saying things like "Well what ur gonna do isnt really gonna change anything" and "why bother" it really bugged the hell outta me. I wonder how someone who has lived as long as him and who shud know better by now can have such stupid things to say. I ended up telling him that based on experience the march very well may not have any tangible results however at least I will have done something, something to help and have my voice heard. Not just that but this is a democrasy and this is how we do things. And if enough people decided to come then our gvmt wud HAVE to listen.

but did he want to hear it? oh no! all he picked up on was that "nothing tangible" wud be achieved!

If thats hows Israel operated then everyone wud know the truth about the situation but Israel knows how important the public voice is - why else do u think they are keeping ALL reporters out? Why else have they bombed UN convoys and IRC ambulances - cos they do not want anyone to see what they are doing! If they had such a lazy and defteated attitude they wud not have gotten very far at all!

And to make matters even worse Mr P then says to me, "well if u care so much why dont u just go to Gaza and help!". What an idiot. I told him I wish I cud do that, but I cant get to Gaza - not because i dont want to but israel doesnt really let anyone in - i mean look how they are treating the UN and the IRC for heavens sake! Unlike the fact that anyone with a British passport can go fight for the Israeli army anytime!! talk about hypocritical!

But Mr P did not want to hear it - he had formed his opinions and did not want to hear the truth.

He really really pissed me off - many people hold ignorant and unjustifiable views like hus and ignorance is no excuse.

I really wish I cud go to Gaza and help with the humanitarian effort- help the medics look after the injured and the children. After all, how many hundreds of orphans have been created in this week of conflict alone?? how will they live? feed themselves??

The actions of israel are not just immediate but have far reaching consequences and Palestine will be healing these wounds for decades to come.

ru the enemy?

I was just reading the newspapers to update myself on the Gaza massacre when in the International Heral tribune I came across this:

Palestinian medical officials estimated that the total death toll reached 550 on Monday. The United Nations estimated that about a quarter of those killed were civilians.

Exactly how do they calculate who is civilian and who is Hamas from where they are sat half way around the world? Is the identifying trademark of a Hamasman simply that he carries a gun?! If so, I rather think that many men other than those that are Hamas wud be carrying guns in this war scenario simply to defend their homes and families.

Does the Israeli army have men combing the ruins and burnt out hospitals, schools and homes for men, women and children so they can count how many Hamasmen they have killed?! And if so, how do they know these men are Hamas? Is it tattooed perchance on their forehead?? Or mayb they all have warts on the end of their nose??

550 killed!! 550 lives extinguished... their excuse for this "extremination" is that probably some of these were Hamas??

And I sincerely doubt a quarter of this number were civilians - i am inclined to believe most probably were. For how can u tell a Hamas member from a non-Hamas member toting a gun? Or does carrying a gun in Palestine automatically mean u have joined the Hamas-club?

I am sure that plenty of men who were not previously inclined to carry guns or join Hamas now will - why? Cos they can see that they have no choice. They are, as a country, being slowly exterminated - who wud not pick up a gun in such a situation? Their homes, shops, hospitals, babies, families are all being blown up around them - the right to defend urself and ur loved ones is an essentially human one. Who would not pick up that gun??

Meanwhile the world leaders do absolutely nothing except maybe, maybe, if they are feeling generous say that a ceasefire is required. Ugh, u think?!?!

Why can our world leaders, for once, not just tell Israel to stop this holocaust, this massacre? What is so wrong in telling an oppressor to stop oppressing?? Worl leaders shud be completely ashamed of themselves! There is no justice in their actions and by standing idly by while hundreds die and thousands suffer - they might as well be part of the Israeli army launching missiles into Gaza themselves.

___________

meanwhile, back in Manchester I am back at work and tired. Normally (i.e. the routine i 'established' in the holidays) I wud still be in bed till about 1-2pm!! After having fallen asleep somewhere between 4-6am.... today I had to be awake by 8am at the very latest after having fallen asleep around 3.30am. And as I am getting old, I can feel the effects of this lack of sleep very clearly!
God, I miss my bed!!

Lamees is flying off to Ghana today for three months of charity work there and while I am worried about her - I am also extremely envious as I wanna go too!!!

I am itching to do something different and possibly slightly wild!!

Free free Palestine!

"FREE FREE PALESTINE!" and "STOP THE KILLING, STOP THE HATE; ISRAEL IS A TERRORIST STATE" - just a couple of the chants that rang in my ears at the huge protest/rally today in Manchester. I am positive that these same chants were echoed all over various rallies in the UK and similar ones rang in the ears of my brothers and sisters round the world.

This is the most revent of dozens of marches i hav been on and while i was very glad to see the amazing turn out and to hear of the even better turn out in London, i was sad.

I am sad cos here i am, with my friends, protesting yet again of the inability of the world governments to dispense justice and peace. I have been partcipating in the world peace movements since around 2001, for Afghanistan, for Palestine, for Iraq, for Palestine again, for Iraq again - why does our goverment not listen to the will of its people??

We shud not have to force our governments to dispence peace - it is their duty to do so. Why do we live in a democracy when our voices are ignored? Why do we elect governments when the will of the people is brushed aside is such a patronising way??

Does our goverment think we are stupid?? Do they think that we believe any of this garbage that the BBC and Sky and other stupid news channels are spouting? Rubbish such as the Palestinians deserve what is being dealt to them? That starving families for months, no years, on end is justified? That the bombing of students, policemen, hospitals, schools, universities and houses is in anyway justified??

One must have a heart of solid stone to not bleed at the situation that is in Gaza and indeed in all of Palestine. One must really have lost all vestiges of humanity.

Humankind. Where is our bond of brotherhood? Where is the compassion? The justice? The right to life the world all fought so desperately for in WWII?? What is the point of all this death?

Israel does what it pleases; massacres people constantly, invades and occupies countries as it wills, not just Palestine but Lebanon too and what does the world say?? "Nope - they deserve what they get"?!!? How does this make sense?

Does Gordon Brown think that we as a country are so lacking in intelligence that we will not see thru this facade they have thrown up - this bullshit that the killing of one Israeli is equal to a 1000 Palestinians. Is this the worlds idea of a proportionate response?!

I am horrified to think that I live in a world where such blatant genocide and massacre is deemed to be OK. Have we not learned from previous holocausts? WWII, Rwanda, Kashmir, Chechnya, and Bosnia?

How much death and destruction is enough to satisfy the bloodlust and greed of the world leaders?? How many more have to die?

My ears reverberate with the cries of the children perishing and dying torturous deaths in Gaza through starvation, malnutirition, thirst and bombardment. How can u sit idly by and allow such blatant atrocities to continue??

The people of this country, of the world, need to stand up and say enough. Enough killing, enough war, enough death - peace is what we want. Peace to live in and bring up our children, our future in. Our children, this generation, has seen nothing but death and mayhem - Iraq, Afghanistan, Palestine.... what lessons are we teaching them about life and humanity?? What lessons are they learning??

The British goverment, the US administration, the UN need to stop this. We do not want such a genecide on our consience.

Hasnt Palestine suffered enough at the hands of Israel? Anyone who says that Israel is in the right needs their head examined - and fast. Israel is and always has been a terrorist state and their war-mongering murderous methods are the proof of this.

regardless of whether or not u agree with Hamas they are after all the legally, democratically elected government of Palestine, not even the UN cud pick a fault with that. So it is their right to defend their land and their people.

Palestine is a desperate land - what wud u do if u saw ur country dying painfully around u? If yesterday ur baby died of starvation and today ur entire family died in one of the many Israeli air strikes??

(Left: Protesters in Palestine against the actions of Israel in Gaza)

It is the utmost stupidity to compare the home-made rockets of Hamas to the top-of-the-range American-funded missiles and Apaches helicopters and God-only knows what else of the Israeli army.

The raping, murder and theft of Palestine and its people must stop. It is up to us, as people of this world to bring justice.

So I urge myself and every human out there to get up and DO SOMETHING! Join a demo, a protest, a rally, hold a candlelight vigil, donate money, clothes, food, write to ur MP and the PM... do whatever it takes to bring justice.

Israel should be ashamed of itself - to brutally murder hundreds and thousands of innocents on a whim, to start a massacre on the Jewish sabbath... I fear they have not only lost the basics of humanity but of their own Jewish faith too. They bring shame with their actions to not just Judaism but to the whole of humanity.















Shoes litter Whitehall in London as a protest to Gordon Brown against Israel.

Israel is a sore on the face of this planet - each and every one of us humans MUST be the cure.

What to do??....

At 25 I still do not know what I want to do in this life - I feel like I have no actual passion or ambition. Nothing really stands out to me - no bright neon lit arrow is pointing at a particular destination or career saying "this is it!".

On the way back from someone's house, my dad and my little sis and I were having a conversation in the car about just such a subject and consequently it got me thinking -again! I just dont know what I want to do.

I am applying for teaching and sometimes I think thats what i want to do but I am unsure - what if its not? What if it is yet again something I attempt only to get bored or be unsuccessful at it?
Is it my lot in life to work at bitty, unsatisfying jobs??
Do I even have the courage to attempt some random, possibly exciting direction??

I feel like I have worked pretty hard in my educational career & I have been pretty straight-laced in my life and now I kinda feel like 'where has that got me?!'. U know? I feel like mayb I shud break-out and do something random and damn the consequences!

yet who will probably suffer in the long-run? Me. But then 5 or 10 yrs down the line I do not want to have regrets of 'what ifs' and 'maybes'. I want to do it all, attempt everything I want to and experience this life and this world God has blessed me with to the max.

If only i have the courage and fortitude and maturity to carry it through.

Can I just quit my job and go galavanting abroad?! Cud I have the courage to do it?? I am sooooo tempted!

Lams is going to Ghana for charity for 3 months in January and I am so bloody jealous! I wanna go!!!!!!!!

I want a satisfying, challenging, interesting, socialising career - one that MATTERS. As in one that helps make the world a better place. I want to have fun in my career and know I am helping people.

I want to be an Eco-warrior or look after orphans in Kashmir or save the amazon rainforest. I want to do something I look back on with pride and think 'I did that!'.

But what is this elusive thing I want to do - because I am tempted by so much! there is so much I want to do and experience.... so much of this world I want to see! And its not like I have the money to go off to do many or even any of these things. Being carefree costs money nowadays!

I just wish I had a definate direction in my mind- one that fit everything my heart desires. Whatever that is!

Muslims have fun too...!

I think its time for some fun posts - to celelbrate the good times!! (Alhamdulillah!)

I have been having plenty of good times with my friends and family and thought that this wud be a good time, near the end of the year, to share them and the fun we have had.
All too often people think that Muslims, especially female muslims, have no fun and are trapped at home bored, incomplete, unfulfilled, and trapped. I think that while there may be some or many that are like this - we have to acknowledge that this is not the case for many.

My friends and I may be different or the exception but we are definately here and we are having FUN! There is nothing in our Islam that stops us from having fun.
Moreover, Islam is not a doom and gloom religion and is not here to make life hard. Why shouldnt we have fun and live life to the max?! Allah has blessed us with life, we shud be grateful and in our gratitude live it to the full.

Often people are surprised when they meet me or my friends. They do not expect us as muslim girls to be confident, articulate nevermind funloving socialisers! We love to go out and hav fun - in a halal way of course!

In this spirit, i want to put some pics here that show that we are mad, a little bad and we have a laugh.


Left: Me and Shules - or rather me attempting to eat Shules head cos she wasnt coming out with us!



Me and the girls on a nite out and having a laugh:












Trying out blonde wigs.... hours of fun guarenteed if u use little bit of imagination:
















Even work nite outs can be fun if u allow for a bit of craziness (aka me!):






Even random peacock feathers found in friends cars provide entertainment!










There are many many more pictures that show what I good time I have been having Alhamdulillah.

There is not doubt that life contains many hard times but when the good times roll, roll with them!! This too is a barakah or a blessing from Allah, The Almighty.

simple pleasures

It seems to me that the simple pleasures we have in this life often hold the most importance - a good book, a nice meal, comfortable shoes and most importantly having your family around you.

Its 3am in the morning and it just occured to me a few seconds ago how now nice and...... comforting it is to have my father and sister sleeping in the adjacent rooms. Nothing complicated - just having them near is such a blessing.

I dont know if I am weird for always wanting my family near - mayb it is a side-effect of my childhood or losing my mother or something else but I like having my family close. I like knowing what they are up to and if they are ok.

Its such a pleasure to have my father and my little sister here, sleeping comfortably - knowing they are ok, knowing they are here with me makes me content and happy.



I wish families would get along better and communicate.

Better communication would cure so many evils - i just cannot understand why people do not talk more. Its so simple and yet will aid understanding so much!

For now, my little nuclear family is working Alhamdulillah - I am content =D

unknown hopes & dreams

Have u ever felt like there was something inside u crying??

Sometimes I just want to cry... I dont have a reason, nothing in particular is making me cry - but I feel this pressure in my chest and I wanna cry. I cant describe the feeling - its not exactly sadness, it feels more profound. Through the day I can feel the pressure building and I wanna scream with it and really let it rip. (lol)

I dont know what this feeling is - this heaviness in my heart. What is the cure for this unsettling feeling??

It feels sad, depressing, overwhelming, tearful, wet, clawing, heavy and needy.

Like something inside me in calling out to this empty world - for something. Something.

Is it for unknown hopes and dreams? Things desired that cannot be verbalised or vocalised??

I was just speaking to a friend who is going through such a painful and hard time - May Allah relieve her pain & suffering & may she pass through this test a stronger and better Muslim, ameen. I admire her strength and patience - I do not know if I could be as patient or persevere as she is - may Allah reward her!

Suddenly I feel so lost and small. Lost in this darkness around me. I need... something.

I'll dream about better days, for me and my friends. I will remember cheer and reject despair. I will and slowly this feeling will disappear till next time.

I want to be strong of heart and of will, I want to be a good sister to all those who know me, I want to achieve my goals, and fulfill my dreams... I guess the only one who can make any of that happen is me.

To be strong I have to BE strong, to have will I have to enforce it on myself....

Either way - I'm still standing :-)

And I'm still watching lots of anime (yay!) - its One Piece that I'm onto now while I wait for more Bleach and Naruto to pile up so I can watch it all in one go!

One Piece is very different in its look to Naruto or Bleach - that smoothness or i guess coolness isnt there -but the storyline IS interesting, as are the concepts. It has taken about 90 episodes for me to really get into it but :-D whats a girl to do!!

More more!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I think I am totally weird and that my body is even weirder than I am - therfore compounding the problem!
Yesterday I was so very sleepy and lethargic at work; it got to the point where I really couldnt let myself sit down for very long or I wud have fallen asleep! and that wud NOT have impressed the boss-lady.

While I was kinda out of it and feeling like parts of me were about to float off I remembered a friend.I have not seen in friend in almost 10 years and I miss her a lot. She is someone who shaped my childhood and stood by me when I needed support and lent me her shoulder to cry on.
Why was I thinking of her? Well the thought of this friend were brought on by thinking of another friend who is having problems with her fiance being an idiot; and to top it off her mother was making it harder for her to decide what to do. Anyways it was this that started the memory neurons firing...

You see this friend I was remembering was my mother. Looking back on it I realise she was the best friend of my childhood. I have so many good, amazing memories of her and so I realise I was blessed. I remember chilly mornings and playing with her in front of the warming flames of fireplace. I remember silly birthday presents and stupid outfits she made us wear.
I remember the first pair of heels she bought me (I hurt myself in them and she proved her point! lol ). I remember freezing nights when she wud let me crawl into her bed and snuggle so I could get warm. i remember all these things and more - I remember how kind, giving and generous a mother and friend she was and I thank God for the time I had with her.

I will never be able to hav another argument with her or be told off by her. I will never introduce any more new friends to her or tell her about my new job or my plans or what i want to do today, tomorrow and in my life. I won't be able to talk to her about the guy I want to marry or have her help me plan a wedding (should there be one!). I will never have another conversation with her about good looking guys (yes even then we talked about this stuff!)...

But.... thats ok. I miss her, I want her to be here with me but the fact that she is not is... OK. I accept it as the way things are.
So this is not some whining or complaining that I dont have my mother but rather just saying i miss her and talking about some of the thoughts going through by head.

Alternatively, I am still immersed in Bleach Anime and it has got more interesting tho its format has got slightly disjointed and confusing but you know me! I gotta know what happens next!!!!

anime-ation!

So recently I have developed a full on addiction, dare I say it, obsession with Anime.

Altho, anime has always been something i loved I'v just never got round to seeing all those series properly that i wanted to and somehow I got jump started and started watching Naruto.

Wow.

Truly love. lol - seriously I watched that programme every spare moment I had. rarely do I have such a strong reaction to tv -usually if i get obsessed its over books. But I have finally caught the anime wave! completely and totally caught it.

I really love the character of Naruto who is so hard working and dedicated in the face of so much adversity - he's just so damn huggable and lovable! The character progression is as wonderful as the plot and it has some really funny moments that I love - especially when Rock Lee gets a wee bit drunk!

And kakashi.... I really REALLY wanna see whats under that mask! no seriously - REALLY REALLY wanna see! lol

My obsession with Naruto only waned cos in around 2 weeks i watched 10 yrs worth of it! (bloody hell -i know!) And truth be told, I am still fairly obsessed with it but I am one of those people who hate waiting, and waiting for it to be released every week is more than I can bear. So I shall attempt to build up another pile of them before I commence gorging once more!

Am watching Bleach now and while it is good I do not feel it is at the level of Naruto - it just leaves something to be desired but I am informed that it improves.

So I am obsessively watching anime and loving it and its leaving very little time for anything else in my life.
:-)
Ahhh - joy.

I have so much more I wanna watch.... Death note, Akira, Dragon Ballz to name but a couple! More time is required - but I am determined woman and I shall make the time!

lol

Oh and why is it that there are so many fit guys in Anime??? its totally unrealistic and raised ur hopes unnecessarily! NO FAIR!!!

fermaish...

As women I think we are all inculcated and brain washed into thinking there is something wrong with our bodies - our entire economy relies upon this belief.

However, I think that it is also natural; just as almost ALL men seem to believe they are God's own gift to women, when usually nothing can be further from the truth, most woman hate some part of their body.

I have been trying my damndest to start a fitter lifestyle; i dont call it healthier because that implies what u were eating was unhealthy and I think I was OK in that department. But fitter cos, well , I was and am really UNfit. So... I'm attempting to run, sakip, hop, lunge, starjump, stretch, sit up my way into a fitter body. Hopefully, it'll work -and fast! Insha'Allah!

unfortunately it seems to me that all those in the persuit of a more perfect body already have on ei'd be kinda happy with! Look at all this people jogging outside or in the gym - they are all thin! and toned! and possible, just possibly, they also have a better tan!
People like that need to get kicked outta gyms - they make people like me depressed! What the hell are u doing in a gym?!?!

Anyways, instead of whining and whinging about how much I hate my body I did something about it instead - oh yeh!

I made a poster! lol - hope it helps in expressing what i feel (and i'm sure i'm not alone!)

Long time, no see

My current role at MMPS has got to be my longest running post in terms of a job; today I went for a job interview somewhere for a post which was more in-keeping with my longterm plans.

It has been too long since I have been on that side of an interview or that nervous! I am usually never nervous except about silly things like "what if all the buses break down and I'm late?" or "what if i trip and fall right infront of the panel of interviewers?!" - but this time I was just plain nervous.

I just hope I get the job and it is the best thing for my future - I also hope it involves a pay rise (i cud do with one!).

As i walked around the campus, being shown around, I cudnt help thinking that a lot of the student population were asian. And a lot of the guys were just the kind I spent most of my uni life avoiding!
If i do get the job, InshaAllah, then i will have to get over my personal foibles....

lol

ze look

http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-get-the-rock-chick-look

post

a fathers love

A father is an important part of the family, even more if a mother is not part of the family; after mum died dad had to take up the reigns when it came to raising us. It cannot have been easy; previous to that, as far as I can remember, he was a typical asian father. What I mean by that is, he didnt really have much to do with our day to day lives - he was more of a disciplinarian. You know, the immortal phrase "I'm gonna tell your dad...."

The long and the short of it is:

My dad looks at me in disgust. I dont know if he knows I notice or not but I see his looks - maybe even he doesnt know he is doing it. But it hurts - it hurts because he is my father and I want his unconditional love.
It hurts because I do not know how to make him love me. I'm not saying he doesnt love me at all but what I mean is.... how to make him really love ME. The person I am.

I try and I try and I try to become better and to do everything I can to improve myself but it is never enough. Never ever anywhere near enough. I am always a disappointment.

I'm blogging about this cos I just dont know what to do and I dont know where to turn. It feels so hopeless.... i am not writing this just cos the mood has taken me but rather cos I have been thinking on this for days and it hurts.

Always its "change yourself", "be better", "be different" - I'm never good enough as I am.

It is so soul-destroying to know that my father will never completely love me as I am - I have to change to have his love, change more than I have already. I have to become someone else... and I am trying. I have been ever since I moved in with him.
I did not want him to regret living with me again; I wanted him to see how much better I am, how much more responsible yet all I got was more criticism.

I feel like I will never be good enough. And it feels even more horrible to know that my fathers love for me is tied in with my looks - he, like society, would like me more if I was a size 10.

SO I guess I will continue to try and become better till he approves and I will go on a diet which involves not eating very much to try and lose weight.

a thought

Some people have that amazing ability to put their thoughts into words... to express their thought in words understood by others - i sadly do not have that ability. Still, this is my blog and really only i have to understand it.

These last two days have been weird for me - i have felt like my head is going to explode from all the feeling stuffed in me and at the same time even I do not know what I am feeling. I have felt overwhelmed by the feelings in me - completely lost in the emptiness that is in me. It is hard to express or explain or put it into words.

I have been contemplating love - when do u know ur in love? and how do two people know they are in love? and if u do feel that attraction towards someone - how do u know what to do about it?? I have been thinking about a certain friend who I met again after some time recently who took the plunge into matrimony a few years back.
She took a great risk marrying the guy she did - in those circumstances - and I admire her courage and faith. Yet thinking about what she did just confuses me and makes such questions arise. How DID she know what to do?

Also, according to the Islamic calendar yesterday was the anniversary of my mothers death. Its been 9 years - nine years! Subahnallah how time passes. I dont feel sad exactly altho sadness is definitely a factor... i feel a curious blankness. I miss her.... mostly because I need her unconditional love, wisdom and advice. I need to ask her questions I guess that can only be asked of a mother by a daughter.

I am scared by the future and not knowing which direction to take. I feel uncertain of what the future holds......... I wish I cud once again be filled with that certainty that I once had - that knowing of which direction to take. Youth had so many advantages - in comparison I feel jaded and cynical... and somewhat bitter.

I feel unappreciated and second-rate. Sometimes I feel like a fraud. I think its because I'm too sensitive and I take peoples comments to heart - i try not to believe what they say about me but I think their words and sentiments are embedded in my flesh and heart.

I wish I was a better person - one more deserving of peoples and God's love.

I see my dad with my sister and they fit together in way I can never be part of - and in my achievement of my goal to have my little family whole again I suddenly feel I have kicked myself out of this little family circle.
With her he laughs again - Alhamdulillah and while that soothes my heart to see him relaxed and have joy in his life again, I wish I could have his love and understanding the way she does.

But then I feel that mayb she deserves his love more - mayb she is a better person. Everyone who knows us best always says or implies so. In the family she is the definite favourite.
These feelings do not diminish my own love for her......... its just I wish I mattered to them as much they do to each other.

Sometimes I wish I cud walk away and then my heart bleeds cos it is so easy to think that none of them will notice.

God, I sound so pathetic and self-pitying but I need to release these feelings. To attempt understanding...... somehow.

Dad really does not understand what the last few years have done to me - I was sensitive before, I am more so now as I am unsure of love, I crave stability like a starving person craves food yet am unsure of myself to such a degree that I cannot make a decision regarding my future.

Dad just does not see that all these years of being a failure, of being a disappointment, all those criticisms, negativity have not motivated me but made me suicidal. Alhamdulillah I have my faith and such a path was not one I allowed myself.

Yet how strong can my faith be if such thoughts even enter my head??

Questions, questions; everywhere I turn I question myself??

I just cannot trust myself anymore. finally, I believe in everything they say about me....... i believe it in such a way that no matter how friends logic may state otherwise I just cannot believe them. Even if I myself place arguments against their opinions about me - I cannot win this argument.

When will this mood lift??? I keep falling into this black pit - I want to stop all this pity but find I cannot. So I drift with it and listen to my Quran, to my nasheeds and my music and wait for it to be over....... to just flow with it.

I am angry. Angry with myself, my situation, my own ineptness, my own helplessness, my own patheticness....... I am so very angry with me.

I dont want to be me anymore. THeir voices ring in my ears telling me that I am not a very likeable or nice person anyway.

I want to scream till my throat is raw and it bleeds like my insides - like the emptiness bleeds inside my skull.Too much has happened - i feel like I have experienced too much pain, sadness and lonliness....... I need to scream it out, to bleed it out.

I want to believe so hard that my faith makes it all OK. I want my mother so she will hug me and tell me it will all be ok. I want to be strong and hard and tough so I can make it all OK myself.

peace remain

Sometimes the lyrics of a song just grab your attention - the songwriter seems to be speaking with some deep emotion within you; sometimes its not even something you are familiar with. And yet the poetry of the words draw you in and speak to you on some elusive level that connects you with the song.

There is such a song in my life at the moment and I cannot stop listening to it - something inside me understands it even if my logic does not.

Peace Remain by Kareem Salama

"In your love I will wash away a thousand wounds
And at last find the end of all these I's with You

In my heart do I carry so much pain and grief
From what I've seen in this world and what you've seen from me

(chorus)
But let me put all that aside and think of you until I'm blind
And though the world will never change
In you will my peace remain

Many roads have I travelled just to find no end
And many times have I looked to all the lands I've been

But it's all the same cause its no where at all
Try and try as I might I only stand to fall

(chorus)

Some may laugh at the tears I rain
A rose is a rose by any other name
And some may think I've gone insane
So I draw my dagger and I sleigh my name

(chorus)

In you will my peace remain."


Its not just the lyrics that draw me but the way he sings it..... its like the words are born from his vocal chords - will all the emotion and pain that the song requires.

No bland piece of music would be justified here.

Its like every time I listen to it I am so close to reaching some kind of understanding or meaning - but i never quite get there........

Something small

Sometimes it is only something small that makes u proud, something u may not really notice or something that u take for granted.

The other day I was walking through the misty rain that only Manchester seems to produce in abundance, on my way home from work and I heard an ambulance approaching. The "nee naw nee naw" piercing and loud in the dull wetness of the afternoon.And as usual the people in their cars veered to the sides of the road, or drove out the way or parked up to get out the ambulance's way so that its progress was fast and uninterrupted.

The sight touched me deeply - now I know, thank God, that this generosity is part of every day life for most of us here; its an amazing courtesy that everyone has unconsciously agreed to.But so necessary. Cos we all know that one day that ambulance may be rushing to save us or some we know or love - so we get out the way everytime, just like we'd like others to do.

Its a such a beautiful concept and such an Islamic one - treat others as you would have them treat you. Give more than you take. Be generous and charitable.

I know its a small thing but what it translates into something is so much bigger - because this one small act had pervaded all of society - cos we all get out the way. Subahnallah.

Now if we could only translate this attitude, the generosity, this kindness into other aspects of out society...if only. Gun crime, knife crime, rape.... none of it would be a problem - because people would automatically refrain from hurting someones mother, brother, sister or father.

If only...

time rolls on

I havnt blogged in a while.... usually i blog relatively regularly but I havnt - i wont even ask why cos I dont know.

I dont know if I am unique in this, probably not, but I dont tend to think things thru about myself. I mean I dont question every decision or thought process I have about myself. Is this weird?

When I talk to my dad I think it is. My dads standard response to most things about me is "your weird!". lol which is funny and not, all at the same time. I guess I'd like dad to understand me more - yet how is that possible? I havnt even discovered who I am yet!

Should I think on this? Should I be more meditative, more introspective about myself - where I am headed and who I am?? Should I know myself better than I do?? Is it wrong of me not to know my goal and my aim in this life?
Dad thinks it is - what do I think? Well some of me thinks it is very important to know goals because thats wat gives you ambition, a drive to head to wherever you are headed. And some of me thinks that its ok not to know - lots of people dont know their goal in life in terms of job etc... or at least many tell me they dont know.

I am scared of getting left behind - of being dependent, of being despondent and not being stable and secure.

I see all my friends achieving their set goals and moving on - marriage, job stability all achieved to some degree. yet here I am - still rolling to somewhere... only Allah knows where. It is not that I want to get married (and its not that I dont) however marriage is not my goal... I cannot and do not think marriage will offer me the comfort and/or stability I am searching for. It is just another journey in life.

I want a job...nope, a career where I am offered stability and good money. I want a home to call my own and one that I can decorate how I want to. I want a home that does not feel temporary. I do not want to worry about money for bills, or rent, or food, or holidays. I want enough to be comfortable.
Yet how to achieve it. I want answers - yet these answers are only ones I can provide myself and yet I am the one who is lost.

So it all comes back to knowing yourself - and I guess I just dont know myself well enough to answer these questions about my own life.

What DO I want out of my job - other than money? I basically like what I do but I wanna get paid double for it! lol

I'm gonna have to make a choice pretty soon cos I cannot live like this very much longer - I wish someone wud point out the right path to me and automatically I would recognise it as the right one and head for it and achieve what I have to, to make it come true.

I want a definitive truth.

Oh and Ramadan Mubarak world - I hope this Ramadan brings peace and tranquility to our troubled world.
I hope it brings peace and tranquility to me. Please make dua for me.

dispatches - muslims in britain

A couple of nights ago I watched Dispatches on channel 4 and it was about how Muslims are treated in Britain... while the programme showed this more clearly and honestly than I have seen it before I was shocked at the spread of blind hatred and ignorance about Islam and Muslims. I mean, I knew that there was racism and ignorance and some hatred - but I did not realise how very pervasive it was.

My God I was so shocked! I was amazed, hurt and disappointed in the space of that programme. One guy compared Muslims to cockroaches - that really hurt (and disgusted) me! Another, an MP by the way, said that women in niqaab (face veil) wear it in silent support of Al-Qaeda! Another women said that we all "breed" terrorists!

I just could not believe it! Come on people - how ignorant can u get?! But it turns out I ws naive - as people can get very ignorant indeed.

Muslim-bashing is ok in the media and general public and it is not seen as racist or even offensive. The programme really highlighted this fact - and the extent of what media say against Islam and the gross stupidity and blind hatred of it shocked me.

For the media to have it so against islam and to be so very ignorant and racist and islamophobic as to say that Islam justifies female circumcision, the oppression of women etc etc is horrible and detestable and unjust.

This is my religion and as an average British Muslim woman I can easily and quite happily say that I am not more oppressed by Islam than I am by being British. So there.

Why dont people shut up till they learn what they are talking about? if what was said about Muslims was said about Jews or any other faith the people who said it would be in jail. And deservedly so!

The stupidity and ignorance of people makes me so mad... and to top it all off half of all this is our fault as Muslims anyway.

As a community we have not welcomed the wider society into our homes, we have not been welcoming rather as a whole we have been insular and suspicious. We have encouraged the "us VS them" attitude; to most Asian or Arab women "white" people are not to be trusted and "black" people are all thieves.... horrible though this is, this attitude is pervasive.

I cannot understand it. Not as an Asian - though I have been told many times that there is nothing very Asian about me - not as a Muslim and not as a woman. Attitudes like that are just plain stupid.

As you can tell this documentary really got my thoughts going - I'm on a roll so to speak.

And I am determined (hopefully the feeling will last) to do something to tackle the ignorance and blind hatred - I dont know how but Insha'allah Allah will inspire me to the right way. I hope more of my brothers and sisters have been or will be similarly inspired and together we can move forward.

To top it all off yesterday I went to my regular circle where there is this woman bound and determined to ruin the nice, fun, relaxed Islamic atmosphere for all. She is rude, arrogant, condescending, patronizing and horrible - may Allah forgive me but the sister has a major attitude problem.
Where do people get off talking to other people with such a lack of adaab and manners??? I cannot stand rudeness! The Prophet (SAW) came to "perfect manners" - so if ur manners are so very faulty then what have u learnt?? what has Islam given you?? You have gained nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I am sick of the rudeness of others - I have decided if someone is rude to me I will let them know it - preferably in as polite a way as possible but I swear I can feel an explosion coming on!!
Just cos you are older than me, or heaven forbid cos ur married and I'm not, does not mean you know more than me or have more experience in life... nor does any of that give you any reason to be rude. Trust me when I say - i have experiences most protected little Asian girls cannot even have nightmares about.

And just cos all this wasnt enough - and to highlight what the documentary highlighted - on the way back from the circle I got this drunk guy making racist comments to me and my friends..... I think they thought I was just gonna thump him or something cos they all grabbed and told me to "just leave it!" lol

I honestly had no intention of hitting some old drunk guy! lol

so thats that.... what is happening to the world?!??!

the talk yesterday

Yesterday, being sports day, was absolutely exhausting for me yet after work I had to arrange dinner for my dad and then ran (via bus!) down the road to attend a talk by the American Suhaib Webb - which was absolutely fantastic.

May Allah reward this brother for explaining and highlighting things about Islamic family life and the Sahabah and Sahabiyaat that I always took for granted but did not have the words to explain or illuminate. He humanized them and demystified their lives for the listening audience.

He did so with clarity, humour and above all, honesty. There are very rarely any ambiguous issues in Islam and therefore the Sheikh did not dissemble and waste our time - he was clear and direct, something which I really appreciated.

WOW! What a talk!

we're all going on a....

The weather is glorious outside and I just had an extremely fun day at work. Sports day - a huge day in the kids lives and a very fun day for me, though exhausting!

I really enjoyed watching the kids have a laugh, race around, have a "Grande Prix" but tricycle style!!! It was great having the parents round cheering their little ones on and the highlight of the day was having the parents racing!! Very competitive I must say!

The sun is shining in all the glory and there a cool summers breeze blowing to enhance the beauty of the day and suddenly I want nothing more than to go on holiday.

Ok so some of the best holidays I have ever had have come about suddenly or even spontaneously - take Egypt for example, one minute we were talking about it hypothetically and the next thing I knew I had just spent a considerable amount of money by booking tickets.

I like to plan my holidays - I like to know where i'm going and basically what I'm doing or want to do. I do not have to have planned every last detail... where's the fun in that?! however, if I'm going to Egypt, for example, I wanna know which cities and what attractions.

I havnt been on a holiday for so so sooooooooo long - I feel totally deprived! I really want to jet off somewhere with friends, be it Paris, Spain, Italy, Scotland or Ireland. I want to experience new things, talk to different people, learn about another culture and most of all just walk off the stress of the year and be FREE.

The allure of the holiday.

I wish I cud just walk out and go book something. So I'd know I'm going somewhere but unfortunately all my plans are up in the air still about my summer hols. Come on people - get in gear!!

starvation unnoticed

I just had the yummiest chicken burger - with chips - just what my body was craving... carbs, grease, chicken.....mmmm.

Now I feel like throwing up; not because I ate too much. And not because the food was too greasy. Nope - cos I watched this on AlJazeera:



Somalia's starving children.

How can anyones heart not ache and their eyes stay dry when they see those skeletal babies? Those babies that lie so still in their hopeless, helpless mothers arms???

How can u not want to run and protect these innocent, innocent babies? Wallahi my heart absolutely aches in pain and i want to shout out to the international community as they stand by and do nothing.

We attack countries on false pretenses, arrest innocent grad students, hold people without charge for days on end, supply the world with arms - instead of causing war in the name of peace why cant we just help the innocent and the helpless???

Why not supply food and medicines? Those babies are starving - I'm sure dozens have died since I started writing this blog. For Gods sake people - can u not feel the urgency?

What if this was your baby? your young brother or sister? you own flesh and blood - would u still stand around and wait for endless, useless bureaucracy? You who cud not even wait to have the Iraq war ratified by the UN?? If you felt such urgency going to war to defend the ones who could possibly die - how can u not then feel the urgency for those who are dying RIGHT NOW?!

O Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Kind, the Most Just - please have mercy on these children and these families - give them sabr and aid them in their time of need.

debates

In between work I have been having an ongoing debate with a cousin of mine - see what u make of it:

(1) Al Jazeera English - News - Eu To Slap New Sanctions On Iran
Source: english.aljazeera.ne...
European Union nations have agreed on the need for a new round of sanctions to dissuade Iran from developing nuclear weapons.
Is this legal?? It is Iran's - right or wrong - right to have nuclear weapons and for the USA to say that it cant, one of the few countries not to have signed up to the non-proliferation treaty, is gross hypocrisy. Ok so apparently Iran wants to blow Israel off the map - yet have they started 2 illegal, false wars yet?? Nope - America has though... makes one think. Oh and the US is the only country to have ever used an atomic weapon as well...

Anna Salim at 11:07pm Jun 18

hmmm...its interesting how everyone who is against the U.S.A and other western countries because they are critical of Iran's fascist regime would never go live in a country like Iran or as a suni evevr marry a shia person....I guess the only thing that unites people is hate no matter how unreasonable it may be. And yes it is important that Iran never has a nuclear weapon becuase their only aim is to impose their beliefs and their rules on others. The way Iran treats its women and men who dont agree with their strict Islamanic laws is shamefull.

Tahnia Hafeez at 8:57am Jun 19

I'm not against the USA per se - just its current regimes views - its hypocritical. The US has been to war twice trying to impose its views on others - how is that justified?
And I am not against the West - I love my country, wud not live anywhere else. But why is it that when any Muslim criticizes the US suddenly they are deemed against the West? I am from the West and I believe it is part of my duty as a democratic citizen to point out when I believe we are being unjust.
As for the injustice Iran perpetrates against its own citizens human rights I have been severely critical about that in the past too (not that anyone was listening!) - however 2 wrongs never did make a right - see exhibit 1: Afghanistan and exhibit 2: Iraq.
Anna Salim at 10:30pm Jun 19

The U.S might have ulterior motives but I would rather have them in a country then the likes of Taliban or Hamas etc. In case you did not know, Sadam Hussain the great Muslim leader used rape camps to impose his rule...to instil fear in people. U.S going into Iraq is probably the best thing that happened to them. It’s not a perfect war but its better then what they had before. Ask a Kurd if they liked living the way they use to pre U.S.

Anna Salim at 10:30pm Jun 19

Just because it’s a European or a Muslim passtime to bad mouth what the U.S does, doesn't mean it’s true. They have done a lot of good in this world ...thats more then I can say about how Muslims treat each other ex - Saddam occupying Kuwait ( U.S helped Kuwait out), Hezbollah's interruptions in Lebanon etc...Shia's vs. Sunnis
In any case the point is IRAN is not responsible enough to have a nuclear weapon. You can't give guns to bullies because they don’t know how to live and let other live the way they want. Personally I would be scared if they had power.

Tahnia Hafeez at 9:19am Jun 20

Firstly lets stay on topic - i was not agreeing or disagreeing with Hamas, Taliban, Saddam, Gaddafi, Hitler, moussoulini or anyone. I was disagreeing with certain US policies. Huge difference.
Secondly Saddam never did anything in the name of Islam - infact he categorically made it very clear many times that he had very little to do with Islam. Islam wud never ever condone his actions and any attempt he or any dictator or any regime makes to justify their actions with Islam is sheer idiocy.
Tahnia Hafeez at 9:22am Jun 20

Oh and if we really wanted to talk literally then we cud say Saddam's Rape Camps = Gautanamo +Abu Ghraib. Niether are correct and all are disgusting abuses of human rights, dignities and are a perversion of justice.
And as for the beniefits of going into Iraq - well mayb the Kurds are grateful - certainly the few that were brought on TV seemed to be. And if the Kursdish nation is finally experiencing some degree of peace after years of torture then great.
however they are a minority in a country fighting a civil war - Iraq is being ripped apart and the world knows it. Anywhere upwards of 600,000 civilians have died so far - thats an astronomical figure by any account!
Tahnia Hafeez at 9:25am Jun 20

I do not agree with the violence being perpetrated in Iraq but its happening and its happening cos of US actions. Right now they are stuck - damned if u do, damned if u dont situation. All i can see is a situation where an occupying army, regardless of its right or wrong reasons for being there, that is fighting with the populous of that country that is being torn apart on all levels. Not to mention a foreign army that has once again littered the iraqi ground with so much depleted Uranium that it will be toxic for upwards of the next 40,000 years.
Tahnia Hafeez at 9:29am Jun 20

And frankly I'd rather no one have a nuclear weapon - men and their toys.... disaster always beckons. Not one country has shown that it has reason to have them - so why do we?

As for us Muslims - we treat each other fine. those of us who are sane and actually know and practice islam in the way of the Prophet (SAW) - the ones who dont, well those are the ones you see on TV.

What do we think?!??!

At the same time we are debating on another post! :-)

(2)

Al Jazeera English - News - Israel Agrees To Truce With Hamas

Source: english.aljazeera.ne...

Israel has agreed to a six-month truce with Palestinian armed groups including Hamas, the government's chief spokesman has confirmed.

Dare we hope that it will last long enough for Palestinians to get a rest from israeli terrorism? Dare we hope that it will last long enough for starving, malnutritioned families to get food and water that has been long denied them or even long enough to get basic medicines for the out-of-stock hospitals????

Anna Salim at 11:01pm Jun 18

Israeli Terrorism?

Tahnia Hafeez at 8:59am Jun 19

yep - they are pretty extreme. Much worse than any other country except possibly others who have in the past carried out mass ethnic cleansing e.g. Germany, Somalia, Serbia etc etc

Anna Salim at 10:19pm Jun 19

They are doing what they ahev to do to protect their country. Uusally its the Muslim terrorists who start the bombings...

Tahnia Hafeez at 9:08am Jun 20

uh huh - the country they stole?! the people they evicted from a country not belonging to them? And actually if you research what is occurring daily, and what has been for the last few decades, in Palestine it is just like the apartheid. They do not get enough food, water, medicines or fuel because Israel has restricted it to almost nil. And thats the usual state of affairs - not wat it does in reaction to anything.

Tahnia Hafeez at 9:09am Jun 20

They people of palestine drive cars with different number plates so that they can be identified. they do not have free movement within, never mind in or out, of their country. They do not have adequate medical care nor are they allowed to venture out to receive it. As a result many a person has died of treatable illnesses and wounds. Woman die in labour cos they cant get across a checkpoint to the hospital because according to the Israeli soldiers it is past curfew - so tough.

Tahnia Hafeez at 9:09am Jun 20

They are regularly attacked via mortars and rockets in the "refugee camps" or the country that is not theirs - that again is not because it is retaliation to anything but just cos.
Illegal settlements are being built all over the land that was promised by the Israeli's to the Palestinians in an international treaty....

Israel isnt protecting its country - its eliminating someone elses.
It is a farce that they wud like everyone else to believe that wat they do is to protect themselves - but those who poke a tiger with a stick ask for retaliation.

Tahnia Hafeez at 9:11am Jun 20

And this has nothing to do with being Muslims - it has something to do with simple human rights.

crawling in my skin

This song really describes my state of mind at the moment - disturbed. Sometimes life just gets to u - all those little annoying irritations you'd normally just let breeze by suddenly affect u and your mood.
I hate it. Why should the opinions or harsh words of others affect my state of mind? But it does. It does and the thoughts seem to crawl through my mind, rifling through every nook and cranny searching for God knows what - wrecking my mood along the way.

I can feel the tightness in my face - the frown. The smile thats very definitely turned upside down!

I wanna scream and tear something (not me!). I'm trying to stay calm and calm my thoughts but I really just wanna act out and be.... savage. I want to let out the sarcasm and the biting wit; i want violence and revenge... I want to destroy something.

How long will the urge last this time? Why do I have to have such feelings? What kind of person am I?

Just the other day I was sat in this chair and I was listening to 'Mawlaya Salay' and I suddenly felt connected to every Muslim in the world - I literally felt surrounded and linked. It was such a beautiful feeling - suddenly I intimately understood, for that one moment of time, what the Prophet (SAW) meant when he said 'Muslims are one body'. I FELT this hadith all the way through me and in that moment I felt so proud to be a Muslim.



And yet today - well the weather is bad and so is my mood. Maybe it is just as simple as that my moods are connected to the weather - that if the weather is bad then the chances are my mood and my ability to cope is bad too....

And I am sick of people asking me if I am married - it makes me feel like I'v done something wrong by not being married yet. I am sick of answering this question people - NO I AM NOT MARRIED - I'M SORRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Makes me wanna just marry the next guy who asks so I can say - "yes I flaming well am so sod off and leave me alone". or mayb just elope with some random guy i meet next off the road!!
Only it wont end there will it - oh no - "now ur married... arnt u pregnant yet?"

it never ends......... men so do NOT get this kind of pressure. Does it not occur to anyone that I may b happy single? That I do not want to settle? Not just that i do not want to settle but I'd rather not settle and have some guy I'm not even sure I wanted in the first place? That if I do marry I'd rather I was sure?
Is this too much to ask people?!?!

Getting married is not the be all and end all. Marriage is HALF of faith - HALF! It wasnt made half because it was easy. Its half cos it requires sacrifice and hard work and compromise - none of which is easy... and none that can be completely achieved if ur married to the WRONG GUY. So of course I'm gonna make damn sure that the guy asking is the right man for the job!

Oh and here's a new one - "But... dontu wanna get married... u know cos u like kids... u must want kids......."
Ummm... lady - once again - u really think I want kids with the WRONG kinda guy?? Me thinks not.

I wish people would just give me space for a while... space to get my head sorted out and to know what I want and need.......... I do not have the energy to think about all of this. I am coming from so much crap, stuff thats happened to me in the last few years..... I am sick of struggling and worrying and stressing....... I just dont want to do it anymore.

thoughts dripping

Life can be, as the cliche goes, such a rollercoaster. one minute ur coasting along enjoying the scenery and then suddenly u plunge a hundred feet at the speed of sound and then Allah raises u high afterwards.

I recently had to grow up and start thinking about at least one part of my future as something imminent (and really scary!). The whole experience made me realised that there are just some things in life that are so freakin scary... things I have no idea how to cope with.

For Example, one of my bestest friends, WhiteAfrican, joined the realms of the married women of the world. I was so happy for her because she had found - or been found by (depends on who u ask) - a really really nice guy. Seriously.... u can ask her (!) but guys like that are not an easy find. Sisters often despair of ever finding the right guy and will settle. Well our Whitey didnt settle and Alhamdulillah, Allah rewarded her patience and faith with our Manny.

But how exactly do girls decide who is the one for them?!??!?! This is a question that bugs me - and has done for a long time now.

how do u know that this one is the one?!? yes u do Istikhara and all that but still doubts must still abound and marriage being such a HUGE and IMMENSE decision - u cannot enter into it lightly.
So how do u take that final leap - faith? close ur eyes and jump? or a mixture of the 2?

I would guess that u take one step at a time and make sure u know the person as best u can - make sure, as much as u can, that he or she will fulfill, at the very least, their Islamic duties towards u.
Love comes later... right? :-)

But ever since the day of my first Rishta offer on the freaked out day when I turned 18 I have been avoiding this - I mean, marriage.... sounds great but............. woah!

And another thing - why do people chew with their mouths open?! its disgusting. Stop it!

oh and what happens if a bearded man pops a big chewing gum bubble all over - how does he deal with it?? ew!

wants

"And so I beg the darkness,
Where are you, my loving man?
Why gone from her whose love
Can pace you,step by step, to your desire?"

Egyptian Song 1300BC

mother

One of my colleagues lost her mum yesterday - she found out at work that her mum passed away and subhanallah, she was completely hysterical. Completely distraught. Normally I find dramatic outbursts of crying and pain completely uncomfortable to be around - I just dont know what to do!

But with Shell I empathised very strongly with her - her sense of pain and guilt and helplessness. It all resounded in me.

I wondered if her reaction was more normal than mine - my lack of a reaction to my mothers death - I was so accepting of it when it happened although of course, I did react in my own teenage way. But my reactiong was so slight - I feel like a barely even cried at the time - I really dont think I did. Although some tears have been shed over the years.



Mothers are a precious gift to the world from Allah - appreciate yours, u never know how long you have.

Remember that paradise is at the feet of your mother; and that you are not even allowed to say "uff" to your parents in disagreement. The Quran says "Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood' "(17:23-24).

Remember: "We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth" (46:15).

For those of us whose parents have passed away and are, Insha'Allah, in a much better, more peaceful place, remember: Abu Usaid Saidi said: We were once sitting with Rasulullah when a man from the tribe of Salmah came and said to him: O Messenger of Allah! do my parents have rights over me even after they have died? And Rasulullah said: Yes. You must pray to Allah to bless them with His Forgiveness and Mercy, fulfill the promises they made to anyone, and respect their relations and their friends (Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah).

I remember the wonder of my mother - and now as an adult (or trying to be at least!), I realise how hard she must have worked to be as good a mother as she was.
Subhanallah the patience and fortitude with which she bore her trials makes me proud to be her daughter and I can only pray that Allah will make me deserving of her, that He will make me as good, as kind, as patient, as forbearing, as faithful, as strong, as pious as her.

I do not want her good work, i.e. me, to go to waste - I do not want to be a failure to her. I want to make her proud - so that when I am finally, Insha'Allah reunited with her in jannah she will be proud to acknowledge me.

Allah makes some people special and these people He tests severely - I truly believe that my mother was one of these people. It is not easy to be calm and patient when in excruciating pain or going through withdrawal from high doses of morphine - but somehow she managed it.

I pray that Allah rewards her for every one of my good deeds twice, three times over - because if I am good, if there is any good in me, it is because of her. Because of her faith in HIm, in Allah. Her faith was never shaken - it was firm and resolute - as faith should be.
I pray that Allah makes my faith unshakable, and makes me impenetrable to the whispers of the shaytaan and keeps my feet solid on the path of truth and justice. I pray he makes me an obedient and submissive slave to His divine Will. I pray He grants me Jannatal Firdous, together with my mum, my sister and my father. I pray He makes me a strong and virtuous Muslim.

I pray I find the strength, fortitude and patience to be obedient to my father who has sacrificed much in his life for us and struggles daily to be better. I remember that Abdullah ibn Amr related that the Messenger of Allah said: The major sins are to believe that Allah has partners, to disobey one's parents, to commit murder, and to bear false witness (Bukhari, Muslim).

So I remember and I pray.

sunny sun sun

Summer has finally come to Manchester... or so it seems.

Watever - the sun is shining, I have new scarves, a smile on my face, am tired but enjoying life at the moment.

Thank you Allah for these peaceful stretches of time where I can just relax my mind somewhat...

I have problems but.... the sun is shining and so am I.